I can't say I love you
by Kimiko Asahara
Summary: Ichigo has just recently lost his father and has taken to fighting as an escape one night Urahara finds him in an ally way and helps Ichigo can he become Ichigo's new escape? This has character death and yaoi Male x male don't like don't read.


Disclaimer: I don't own bleach

Authors note: sorry i haven't updated my other story i had almost all the important stuff on paper and i kinda left it at a friends by accidents so here's my story

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><p>Ichigo limped down the streets heading in no general direction having just gotten out of a fist fight with a group of collage students he pissed off.<p>

the street lights flickered on, trying to stay in the shadows was relatively easy only catching glimpses a black hoodie with a red dragon with the hood up and military cargo pants.

But if you could see under the cloths you would see a black bandage covering the left of his face, A broken wrist in his hoodie and a sprained ankle. Ichigo had just lost his father 3 weeks ago it was a fight gone wrong with a hollow who had played far dirtier than most and it was a fight he would never forget.

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><p><strong>Flash black<strong>

Ichigo was fighting a HUGE hollow it was faster and harder to hit unlike most that were slow.

There was something wrong Ichigo just couldn't place like something bad was about to happen and he wouldn't be able to stop it.

Ichigo not paying attention to his fight was thrown back into a telephone pole by the hollow, momentarily stunned the hollow moves in to the kill instead goes right by him going after Rukia that was dealing with her own hollow but instead of kill her to it kills the hollow and takes her hostage.

"Ichigo HELP" Rukia screamed it had her by the throat hanging her in midair it was strangling her.

"If you want to save this girl give up and let me eat you and I'll let the girl up." The hollow stated with a smug voice.

Ichigo looked around for any this that could help him give the hollow a distraction nothing was there so Ichigo decided to give up and save Rukia.

"Fine eat me just don't hurt Rukia!" Rukia looked sadden by how Ichigo was acting but knew she couldn't do anything about it.

"Drop your sword and I'll set this midget free." Ichigo did as he was told and dropped Zangetsu the hollow looked overly pleased when he herd the metal clang to the ground faster than the eye can blink the hollow went after Ichigo.

"You foolish human do you really think you could stop me?"

"Ooh boy my son your in for a world of hurt when we get home you got that!" Isshin slashed the hollow from the left shoulder to the right hip failing to notice that the slash wasn't deep enough to kill the hollow he turned to his son.

"You idiot how did you manage to get in a trap like that?'' Isshin decked his son on the back of the head. rubbing his head Ichigo looked down sheepishly.

"I'm sorry dad it caught me off guard and then went after Rukia threatening to kill her and I don't want that to happen again."

"Son you can't keep putting your lif-'' Isshin was cut off by a hand in has chest, ripping it out Isshin did a Getsuga Tenshō to the hollow and it evaporated to soul society.

Sadly Isshin was already hit and bleeding to much that he wouldn't survive much longer.

"Ichigo please take care of your sisters in my place and don't do anything stupid." Isshin looked down with a sad smile as he started to fall.

"No, dad you can't die you need to take care of the clinic and to make Yuzu and Karin smile an- and to try to beat me up in the morning to wake me up!" He caught Isshin and made his way down to solid ground. by the time they made it to the ground Isshin's breath was starting to slow and Ichigo was in a huge crying fit.

"Ichigo my son." Isshin took a strangled breath and held it in.

"You are still young and a child at best but you need to be strong now because I am no longer going to be able to help you now, so you need to become a man and take care of your sisters good bye my son I will miss you and my beautiful daughters." He fell limp, his reiatsu gone, and no heart beat.

Evan Ichigo's hollow that normally laughs at him when friends or family get hurt or die in front of him was abnormally silent.

Ichigo couldn't believe that his father had died in his arms and it was his fault for that.

Ichigo fell into a deep depression he could barely live with him self when his mother died because of him but now that his father had as well it was to much.

flash back ends

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><p>shortly after that people were trying to separate the family but the only thing that kept them from doing so was Ichigo's promise that he would make sure that the bills were paid on time, they still had family and they promised to send money to them.<p>

Ichigo's sisters were devastated at the loss of their father and started to acted differently Yuzu smiled and laughed less and spaced out when there was nothing to do, Karin stopped yelling and tried to make Yuzu smile but failed more often then succeeded, Ichigo went silent and started to distance himself from his friends, he also got very violent if some one tried to touch him the only one's able to touch him was Karin, Yuzu and chad and started to fight anyone that angered him, but still took up his fathers job at the clinic.

which is why Ichigo was now siting in an alleyway in the middle of the night bleeding.

foot steps could be heard from the back ally but they weren't sneakers or high heels it sounded like wood. Ichigo looked up from his place on the ground and the first thing he saw was wooden sandals and green pant legs but he didn't dare to look up any more.

"Kurosaki-kun why are you out here in the dead of night and in an alleyway no less." Urahara said in his normal cheery voice except there was no humor in it this time, getting no response he knelt down and Ichigo looked away.

"Why do you look away from me when I'm trying to help you?" Urahara pushed trying to get response from the unresponsive strawberry.

"Why do you want one or should I ask why you are here?" Ichigo was getting aggravated and that was not a good thing especially when he was hurt because though he doesn't use it often he had a dagger in his hoodie sleeve and he wouldn't care to use it on Urahara.

"For one i need to see if your alive and second I felt your reiatsu spike and then go down real low, now lets get you home and into some clean cloths" Urahara reached to grab Ichigo's arm.

Ichigo reacted violently grabbing Urahara's hand and dragging him to the ground with a flick of his wrist the a white and black dagger was in his hand and was are Urahara's neck.

"Now Ichigo why are you doing this? I'm trying to help you and yet you retaliate with violence and if you where thinking I was going to bring you to your home you are mistaken so please put your dagger away and lets go." Slowly Ichigo let the dagger slide off of Urahara's neck.

''Well lets go." Urahara got up again and left out his hand to Ichigo who promptly ignored it in favor of the walls slowly staggering up proved to be a challenge with only one arm and a leg but he did it.

Urahara lifted and eyebrow now noticing that one hand was safely tucked into the hoodie pocket and one leg didn't move much he looked up to still find the hood still on.

"Ichigo let me help that way we can get back and take care of your wounds." Urahara opened his arms and waited till Ichigo walked into them.

Still skeptical of what Urahara was plotting he limped carefully into his arms, Urahara carefully closed his arms around Ichigo so he didn't scare him they both dispersed in a flash of Shunpo.

They both arrived a Urahara's shop in minuets, Ichigo looked around slowly nothing had changed since he'd been here.

"Ichigo, you will be staying in my room to make sure you don't leave or hurt the others." Urahara stated in a firm voice, as Ichigo herd it his whole body stiffen.

Urahara felt it but chose to ignore it in favor of healing and dressing his wounds.

Ichigo was thoroughly fucked not because Urahara was going to clean his wounds its because he would have to sleep in the same room with is crush yes crush he had one since he meet him.

The short walk to the bedroom was silent nether where willing to speak Urahara slid the door one and gently placed Ichigo on the bed so he could go get the first aid box.

After grabbing the first aid kit he made his way back to Ichigo who was siting in a curled up position with his bad arm close to his chest and his legs to his chest and he still had his hood up.

"Ichigo I need you to remove you hoodie, shirt , shoes, and pants so I can check the damage." Moving to Ichigo's side he dropped down to sit and placed the kit on his lap.

Looking up he saw that Ichigo didn't budge sighing he took off Ichigo's shoes and socks then moved to his hoodie grabbing the hem of both sides from the back he slowly lifted it above Ichigo's head.

After Urahara took off the hoodie he could see the damage to the wrist and where the dagger was hidden it was in a leather strap that was connected to his arm he also saw where the blood was collecting most but the thing that startled him most was the black bandage covering the left of his face, moving to take it off he just got to touch it before a hand swatted his own away.

"My face is fine so please leave it alone and just take care of the other wounds also don't touch the dagger because it's my zampacto Zangetsu, Urahara-san." Ichigo said in a slightly watery voice making Urahara jump.

"Okay Ichigo I won't touch the bandage or Zangetsu and please call me Kisuke since I'm using your first name it's only appropriate that you use mine but please tell me how you got Zangetsu out here in your human body and whats under that black bandage because I have never seen a bandage like that before now."Kisuke said curiously as he took the bloody shirt off and throw it to the floor and started to check the new and old wounds for damage as Ichigo began the story of how he got Zangetsu.

flash back begins

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><p>It was a week after Ichigo's father had died and he was out looking for some thing to do to take his stress and anger out on and he found just the thing a average level hollow looking for food because he was angry he hand accidentally left his shinigami badge at home.<p>

Cursing his luck mentally he started to walk up to the hollow who hadn't noticed his presents yet he was now an arms length way from the hollow he took in a deep breath and held it for a minute the hollow had heard this and wiped around and became eye level with the shinigami just as it was going to let out a big rour Ichigo forced his spiritual energy into his foot and slammed it into the hollows face.

The kick was hard enough that it sent the hollow a good 25 meters away but not enough to damage its mask it got back up and charged at Ichigo who laced his body with reiatsu and started to fight back the fight lasted a good half an hour and Ichigo needed to end it, he was now calm and not angry but he couldn't end it because he couldn't damage the mask so he stated thinking witch slowed down his movements just barley enough for the hollow to catch him.

Hanging Ichigo by the neck the hollow got ready to eat as it opened it's mouth ichigo unconsciously let out almost all his and his hollows reiatsu except instead of being over the entire town it was right in his hand knowing what to do he pushed the energy into the hollows mask it gave a loud screech and evaporated to soul society.

Ichigo dropped gracefully to the ground and looked at his hand it wasn't his normal black blade instead it was pure white it was in the exact shape of his Tensa Zangetsu doing the metal calculations he got his answer it was his hollows blade carefully putting the blade into his jacket he started to walk home wanting to get to his inner world fast so he could have his answers faster.

Stepping into his home he smelt curry curios as to what type of curry it is he made his way to the kitchen where he sees Yuzu making a vegetable curry walking up behind her he give her a pat on the head, a short hug and an 'I'm back' she jumps into his arms like she hasn't seen him in years and starts asking questions a mile a second.

"Where were you, why did you leave like that, are you hurt?" Were the mane questions that came out of her mouth after she finished she burst into tears Ichigo looked away ashamed that he was the one who made the tears fall so he mentally noted that the questions for his hollow could wait and he would spend time with his sisters.

4 hours later one large home aid dinner from Yuzu, a scolding from Karin, a lousy T.V show, a story, and putting the girls to bed it was time to talk with his hollow, walking to his room to get changed he looked into the mirror he stopped on the left side of his face he has three blood red strips that connected just before the bridge of his nose,and on his forehead and chin and on the bridge of his nose it looked like his hollow mask but not on the mask on his skin but what really startled him was the bright gold on black eye.

Ichigo quickly got changed and into bed it took 10 minuets to get into his inner world.

It was cloudy but not raining and it looked like it hadn't rained in a long time because there were no puddles looking around for his hollow half he spotted him leaning against Zangetsu's pole with Zangetsu on it, calmly walking up to the two of them they both looked up when they heard shuffling.

"yo king, why ya her' this time?" The watery hollows voice echoed in the sideways city.

"I was fighting a hollow in my human body to release some pent up anger and stress and when I was caught mine and yours reatsu combined in my hand and I shoved it into the hollows head and out came your white version of Tensa Zangetsu also when I was changing for bed I saw the marks that looked like your hollow mask when I put it on and I had a gold on black eye like yours, and I really need to give you a name it's starting to get annoying calling you hollow." Ichigo looked around after saying all that the hollow looked surprised and Zangetsu shocked.

"The first one about my Zangetsu you needed it to survive. and the second one the eye and the mask look is you have changed you now no longer fight like you use to and I give you my full loyalty you have almost lost everything but you held it together where most would go insane, I'm sorry about the marks all humans wiLl be able to see them but me and Zangetsu have come up with a bandage to help hide them so humans can't see the bandage of the marks but humans that are spiritually aware will see it remember just because I gave you my loyalty doesn't mean you can stop fighting me all the time it just means we fight less, o ya your voice will sound like mine so don't talk to much." Ichigo absorbed the info like a sponge most was good news some bad then Ichigo found the right name for the hollow.

"Do you want your name to be Ogichi Shirosaki?" Ichigo said in slight hesitation it was his name backwards with the ch not backwards and shiro because he was white also it was ironic because his name had kuro black and he just tagged on the saki from his family name.

Ogichi was silent and Zangetsu looked very pleased with Ichigo.

"Ya I like the name but to shorten it i want to be called Shiro." The newly named Shiro said happily his king finally accepted him for what he was.

"Ichigo by giving Shiro a name this means you have accepted him as part of you is that what you want?" Zangetsu calmly said though he already new the answer to the question.

"I accepted him a long time ago its just that I couldn't say it because of the Visoredand Soul Society." Ichigo said with a sheepish smile it was the first smile in a long time and shiro was shocked at hearing this because he thought he new his king better than anyone.

After that Ichigo spent most of his sleeping hours in his inner world asleep there where no nightmares could get him, and Shiro could easily take over so that nothing hurt Ichigo while he gets his much needed sleep because he has to go to school, work the clinic, hunt hollows in the day, and relive the pent up energy on the fights with the humans.

Shiro's Zangetsu stayed with Ichigo but turned into a dagger form, but by putting some mixed reatsu it could turn into Tensa Zangetsu and because of shiro's loyalty Ichigo never had to use his mask because it was already there the only thing that change is the right eye it changes to gold on black but if Ichigo was angered enough instead of gold it was crimson on black.

flash back ends

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><p>Kisuke listened to the story and said nothing as he finished dressing Ichigo's wounds he patched up the gashes on his chest and stomach and on his chest though he knew it was useless because Shiro would heal Ichigo up when he want into his inner world.<p>

"Well Ichigo shell we go to bed that way Shiro can take care of your wounds?" Kisuke asked as he got up to grab some extra blankets.

"I guess, Shiro wanted to talk about something and he really hates to wait." Ichigo climbed into Kisuke's bed and snuggled up in the covers just as Kisuke drops the extra blanket.

"Get this stupid fluffy thing off me before I let Shiro skin your fucking ass and serve it to the hollow in hoco marando on a sliver fucking plater Kisuke." as Kisuke hurad the threat he took off the extra blanket because no dought he would let Shiro skin his ass and serve it to the hollows.

"Ah Ichigo-chan that's not nice after all I have done for you still threaten me I feel so unloved at the moment." Kisuke said in his annoyingly cheery voice as he teased Ichigo, which at the moment was not a good idea because once it was said Ichigo all to calmly looked at Kisuke but by the crimson on black eye told a different story Ichigo was furious most likely a few seconds away from dissecting him Ichigo opened his mouth but Kisuke was faster but only just most likely trying to save his own ass.

"I'm sorry Ichigo it came out without my knowledge please don't hurt me I will never do it again!" Kisuke squeaked out in about 0.5 milla seconds Kisuke thought Ichigo didn't hear it because he got up and his eye closed Kisuke swore he saw the devil laughing at him right there but looking into Ichigo's eye he saw that it reverted back to the original chestnut coffee look and moved to the other side of the bed to sleep.

Kisuke silently thanked what ever god was looking down on him at the moment and silently got into the now half full bed, Ichigo went to sleep in the first 10 minuets but Kisuke stayed up wanting to see the wounds close.

After 15 minuets the wrist and ankle were healing and most likely the gashes to, looking up once more to see Ichigo's sleeping face it looked calm and peaceful not like the kid who stormed into soul society with a few friends and turned it upside down and left it like that for them to fix he couldn't resist he gingerly touched Ichigo's face with the soft pads of his fingers tracing the right side of his face he then moved to the black bandage he just got to where the bandage begin before Ichigo's hand shot up and got a vice like grip on his hand Kisuke's eyes shot up to look into gold pupils but there was no black.

"Where do ya think ya wher abou' ta touch Kiske?" Shiro asked in his watery voice it was obvious that he was protective of Ichigo after everything that had happened to him.

"I'm sorry Shiro I was crossing the border that Ichigo set but I will never do it again so please let go of my hand and go back to Ichigo." Kisuke pleaded softly Shiro gave him a hard stare before flipping so he was on top of Kisuke with his legs in between Kisuke's and his arms spread over him.

"How abou' no I don' wana so I an' going back there kings asleep with the old man watching ov' him and I need ta hav' a talk with' ya." Shiro stated with a small smirk but it quickly turned into a scowl.

Kisuke was surprised by how well Shiro was handling him self and not attacking him on the spot.

"What do you need to talk with me about, I would really hate to hear that it was about that threat Ichigo stated earlier." Shiro looked at Kisuke and raised an eyebrow clearly remembering the threat Ichigo gave Kisuke.

"Abou' that it was true, but what we need to talk about is your feelings for my king you love him don't you?" Shiro questioned while looking around the room trying to find some thing to peck his interest while waiting for Kisuke to sort out his thoughts but it didn't take him that long to replay.

"Yes, Shiro I do love Ichigo and I would do anything to help him get better" Kisuke's reply was firm there was no nonsense in it which made Shiro extremely please that he smiled.

"Kisuke you can't do any thing to change Ichigo now he has fallen to far the only things that he truly care about now are Karin and Yuzu but you can be there for him after the fights to clean him up and show that he is cared for and loved because he truly loves you but because of everyone of his would be friends turned his back on him other than chad he can't put his full trust in anyone and most likely never will but if you start a relationship with him now you can stop him from falling further than he already, can and do you want to do it?" Shiro asked, Kisuke knew that his friendship with Ichigo and Shiro depends on his answer.

Kisuke did some hard thinking he could finally have the person he loved in his arms but he mite never completely trust him, he could remain friends but they mite slowly grow distant or he could say he didn't want to help Ichigo and this would be the last night he sees him for all eternity after judging the choices he finally made his decision.

"I will take my chances because I love him and want to help him though you mite be right and I can only offer so support its probably better than nothing right?" Shiro looked happy not because he liked Kisuke but because he agreed to help stable his king and stop him from falling any deeper into darkness.

Shiro slowly closed the gap between them gently kissing Kisuke and moving to sit on his lap now that Kisuke agreed Ichigo could come back oh boy was he in for a big surprise.

As Ichigo started to take control again Shiro sent a good warning.

"You hurt my king at all and I will skin your ass alive and feed it to the hollows that come around here got it?'' Shiro felt the fear roll of Kisuke and was satisfied with that he retreated into Ichigo's inner world.

Ichigo woke back up and saw that he was straddling Kisuke's lap his eye went wide but slowly went back to their original state as Kisuke started to need the tense muscles in his back causing him to moan quietly Kisuke started to get braver and traveled lower it the small of Ichigo's back it was a pleasant reaction Ichigo's head fell onto his shoulder and started to nip and suck on Kisuke's neck.

"Ichigo do you want to go further tonight or maybe another day?" Kisuke was concerned with the fast pace that they where moving at.

"Don't stop now or I will castigate you and leave you here to die" Kisuke all to happily complied and flipped them over and started to suck and lick travailing from his neck, ear lips and then over his chest going over the perked pink buds teasingly slow drawing a loud moan from a now panting and flush Ichigo.

"If you waist any more time you will be waking up with a concussion and a black eye" Ichigo crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss and Kisuke striped himself to his boxers and started to take Ichigo's pants off but was abundantly stopped by Ichigo who was noticeably tense, it took a few minutes for Ichigo to let up and finally let Kisuke take off his pants and boxers he held three fingers to Ichigo's mouth.

"Suck them and get them nice and wet" Ichigo did as he was told and started sucking and liking the fingers after he dubbed them slick enough he nipped the tips and Kisuke lifted a leg over his shoulder and place his slick finger at Ichigo's entrance.

"Ichigo i need you to relax or this will hurt and I don't want to cause any more pain than you've been through" with that said Kisuke slid in one finger in and Ichigo squirmed but made no attempt to move away.

Slowly Kisuke added the 2nd and 3rd finger and moved them around trying to find Ichigo's prostate, when Ichigo let out a loud moan Kisuke hit it a few more times and scissored his entrance and pulled away and lathered his member in lotion pulling both legs into the crook of his arm he set himself to enter Ichigo who through the hole ordeal barley made any sounds.

"You ready Ichigo because there's no going back after this?" In response he got a nod and the signal to go.

Instead of cause him the pain of slowly going in he went fast and slammed dead on to Ichigo's prostate making him scream and moan now Kisuke was really thankful he did some kindo in his room to make them sound proof.

It wasn't long till Kisuke had to cum his thrusts where getting irregular and more desperate so he grabbed Ichigo's member and started to slowly teasingly pump it in time with his thrust, a few more hits to the prostate and Ichigo came with a loud drawn out moan/scream and his whole body went rigid the tightness through Kisuke over the brick and he came whispering Ichigo's name in his ear.

Collapsing on Ichigo they both fought to gain their breath back after a few minutes Kisuke pulled out of Ichigo's body and dropped right beside him Kisuke wrapped his arms around Ichigo and pulled him closer whispering the words he knew would never be returned.

"I love you Kurosaki Ichigo" Resting his head next to Ichigo's he was half asleep when he thought he heard.

"I love you to Urahara Kisuke" But he was to far gone to do anything.

Kisuke helped Ichigo he slowly got better but never fully recovered and he never heard those words from Ichigo's mouth again so he thought it was his mind playing tricks on him so he left it at that because he knew Ichigo did love him it was only spoken through actions rather than words.

But boy was he wrong Ichigo did say those words they were real but he didn't need to say them for Kisuke to know he loved him because as they say.

**actions speak louder than words can .**

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><p>ya my second story and you don't want to know how long it took me. sorry for any mistakes if you tell me I will get them done but it won't be for a long while.<p>

please read and review and don't flame please thanks.

here's where you find what mask Ichigo has on his face. its the 5th one

.com/art/Ichigo-s-Hollow-Mask-Evolution-209577179


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